這一集,我很喜歡。Andy Stanley 講約會,自己定了五條規則——他先說清楚:這不是主如此說,只是他自己的看法。This one, I loved. Andy Stanley lays out five rules for dating, all his own — and he says up front: this isn't "thus sayeth the Lord," just his own view.
把話說清楚,是尊重 Clarity is honoring
他對男生的規則:約會就用「約會」這個詞,講清楚哪一天、幾點、做什麼,不要只說「要不要出去晃晃」。對女生,他說的是反過來的那一半:答應「約會」,不要答應含糊的「晃晃」。His rule for men: ask her on an actual date, use the word "date," name a day, time, plan — not a vague "want to hang out?" For women, the other half: agree to "date," not to a vague "hang out."
「清楚,就是尊重。清楚代表尊重。」"Clarity is honoring. Clarity shows respect."
含糊有時候不是溫柔,是不想承擔。Vagueness isn't always gentleness — sometimes it's just not wanting to commit.
誠實,比迴避傷害更尊重人 Truth is more honoring than avoiding discomfort
第三條規則:不要說謊,也不要誤導,即使對方看起來不介意。The third rule: don't lie, don't mislead — even if the other person doesn't seem to mind.
「真話會傷人,但真話帶來的傷,少過背叛帶來的傷。想要保護對方的感受,其實反而是在貶低對方——因為那等於在說,我不認為你能承受真相。」"Truth hurts less than betrayal... trying to save someone's feelings is actually demeaning because it says to them, I don't think you can handle the truth."
第四條規則方向相反,根卻一樣:不要讓自己被虧待,因為「你太好了,不該被那樣對待」。The fourth rule points the other way, same root: don't allow yourself to be mistreated — "you are too good for that."
我們常把「不想讓人受傷」當善良,有時候只是自己不想承受講真話的不舒服。We often call "not wanting to hurt someone" kindness — sometimes it's just that we don't want to bear the discomfort of the truth.
每一段關係,都在寫你的故事 Every relationship becomes part of your story
第五條,他說是他最想講清楚的一條:不要做任何讓你變成「一輩子的說謊者」的事。他給了一個練習——找一個空紙箱,把過去感情裡所有羞愧、心碎、希望沒人發現的事一件一件放進去,再問自己:如果我愛的人也有一箱一模一樣的東西,我會希望嗎?The fifth rule, he says, is the one he most wants to land: don't do anything that makes you a liar for life. He gives an exercise — take an empty box, and mentally place into it everything from your past that carries guilt, heartbreak, things you hope no one finds out. Then ask: would I want that same box for someone I love?
過去改不了,但從這一刻起,可以拿一個新的箱子重新開始。The past can't be changed — but from this moment, there's a new box to start over with.
他說,如果你跟隨耶穌,你對人的方式不是從對方或對方的過去抄來的,是從神透過基督怎麼對待你抄來的——祂沒有虧待過你。If you follow Jesus, he says, the way you treat people isn't borrowed from them or their past — it's borrowed from how God, through Christ, has treated you. He has never mistreated you.
🎬 原片 The original
引自 Andy Stanley「Love, Dates & Heartbreaks」系列第四集「Five Rules for Dating」,North Point Community Church 主日信息,逐字稿取自 YouTube 官方字幕。
Quoted from Andy Stanley's "Love, Dates & Heartbreaks, Part 4: Five Rules for Dating," a North Point Community Church sermon, transcript from YouTube's official captions. ·
在 YouTube 觀看
📖 經文 Scripture
「我作孩子的時候,話語像孩子,心思像孩子,意念像孩子;既成了人,就把孩子的事丟棄了。」（哥林多前書 13:11）
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." (1 Corinthians 13:11)
透過耶穌這道路,走回與天父重建的依戀關係,是我們所知所行一切的根基。This path through Jesus — to rebuild our attachment with the Heavenly Father — is the foundation beneath everything we know and do.