這支影片，我很喜歡。六分鐘，是 Tim Elmore「12 個父母常犯的錯誤」系列第一集，他一開口就是一句讓我們停下來的話：「錯誤在別人的窗戶上比較容易看見，在自己的鏡子裡比較難。」This one, I really liked. Six minutes, the first session in Tim Elmore's series on "12 mistakes parents make." He opens with a line that stopped us: "Mistakes are a little easier to see in the window than in the mirror."
受傷不是傷害 Hurt is not harm
他說，孩子一定會受傷——考試考差、球場上出錯、朋友之間鬧彆扭——沒有人能保護孩子不受傷。但受傷不等於傷害。如果連受傷都要擋掉，孩子會活在一個「零風險」的世界裡，反而失去追求進步的動力，因為他知道自己每次都會被接住。Every child gets hurt, he says — a bad grade, an error on the field, a falling-out with a friend — no one can shield a child from that. But hurt isn't the same as harm. Block every hurt, and the child grows up in a "failure-proof world," losing the motivation to improve because they know they'll always be caught.
陪一個人往前走，不是先把路上的石頭都搬開，是讓他自己踢到石頭、自己繞過去——而我們沒有走開。Walking with someone isn't clearing every stone off the road ahead of them — it's letting them trip over the stone and find their own way around it, while we stay.
快樂是長出來的，不是催出來的 Happiness grows — it isn't manufactured
他講了一個朋友的故事——她的兩個孩子什麼都願意跟她說，任何話題都能攤開來聊，但她從來沒有給過方向，因為她太想讓他們快樂了。後來兩個孩子成年之後都搬回家住，都沒有工作，做了一些不必要做的選擇。快樂一旦變成目標，他說，會變得很難抓，而且幾乎總是讓人失望——快樂其實是追求自己的天賦、把天賦獻給別人之後，自己冒出來的副產品。He tells the story of a friend whose two kids could talk to her about anything, no topic off the table — but she never gave them direction, because she wanted so badly for them to be happy. Both kids are now adults living back at home, both out of work, having made choices they didn't have to make. When happiness becomes the goal, he says, it becomes elusive and almost always disappointing — it's a byproduct that sneaks up on you after you pursue your gifts and serve them to others.
先在一起，才有後面做的事；快樂也一樣，不是先去抓，是先好好活、好好愛人，它自己跟上來。Being together comes before doing together — and happiness works the same way. You don't reach for it first; you live well, love well, and it catches up with you.
他還講了另一個錯誤——父母把自己沒活出來的人生投射在孩子身上，甚至連孩子的報告都忍不住替他寫。他留下這句話：「找到比孩子更大的身分認同，你才有辦法讓孩子成為他們被造要成為的人。」He also names another mistake — parents projecting their own unlived life onto their kids, to the point of writing a child's homework for them. He leaves us with this line: "Find your identity in something larger than just your children."
我正在幫身邊的人擋掉的，是傷害，還是只是受傷？What we're shielding someone from right now — is it harm, or just hurt?
引自 Tim Elmore「12 個父母常犯的錯誤」影片研讀系列 Session 1，逐字稿取自 YouTube 自動生成字幕（英文）。
Quoted from Tim Elmore's video study series on "12 mistakes parents make," Session 1, transcript from YouTube's auto-generated English captions.
「我的弟兄們，你們落在百般試煉中，都要以為大喜樂；因為知道你們的信心經過試驗，就生忍耐。但忍耐也當成功，使你們成全、完備，毫無缺欠。」（雅各書 1:2-4）
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
透過耶穌這道路，走回與天父重建的依戀關係，是我們所知所行一切的根基。This path through Jesus — to rebuild our attachment with the Heavenly Father — is the foundation beneath everything we know and do.