他說，難搞的人常常不是壞人，是彆扭、總要人幫他做功課、看到就不想互動的那種人。他誠實承認，這種讓人不舒服的感覺，常常「百分之百是我自己的問題，不是他們的」。He says the difficult people he means often aren't bad people — just awkward, always leaving homework, the kind you dread seeing on your calendar. He admits the thing that bothers him about them is "100% a me thing, not them."
進入對話之前，先問自己 Before the conversation, a question to himself
他說，進入一段困難對話之前，他先問自己：目標是不是「說服對方、讓對方認錯、還是控制對方」這三個之一？如果是，先停下來。他說自己真正的目標是「我被放進這個人的生命裡的這段時間，是為了幫助他成功」。講話的順序是誠實、直接，然後溫柔，收尾一定問一句「我可以怎麼幫你」。He says before a hard conversation, he asks himself whether his goal is one of three things — to convince, to convict, or to control. If so, he stops. He says his real goal is "I was placed in this person's life for a season to help them succeed." The order is honest, direct, then kind — and every hard conversation closes with "what can I do to help?"
我可以怎麼幫你 What can I do to help
這讓我們問自己一個問題：這個問法本身，是一個有資源的人單方面提供幫助的姿態。我們在自己的難搞時刻，會不會反而更常用單方面「我來幫你」的姿態，而不是真的邀請對方一起負責？That leaves us asking ourselves a question: that question itself is the posture of someone with resources, offering help in one direction. In our own difficult moments, are we actually more likely to slip into "let me help you," one-directionally, instead of truly inviting the other person to share responsibility?
一起扛，不是單向給 Carrying it together, not giving in one direction
他問「我可以怎麼幫你」，讓我們往前多想一步：我們想問的，不是「我可以為你做什麼」，是「你願意為自己的困境負責，和我們一起找出走出困境的路徑嗎」——一個是單向給，一個是邀請對方一起扛。His "what can I do to help" pushes us one step further: what we want to ask isn't "what can I do for you" but "are you willing to take responsibility for your situation, and find the way out together with us" — one is giving in one direction, the other is inviting someone to carry it with us.
他說難搞的人「住進我們腦子裡」，這句話讓我們想起，我們常常要求對方從願意自己看見困境開始，這已經不容易——還要願意跟身邊的人一起找出路，走出來，不是只把困境掛在嘴邊。這是我們自己加上去的一層，不是他講過的話。His "they get in our heads" reminds us that we ask someone to start by seeing their own situation for themselves — already not easy — and then to find the way out together with the people around them, not just keep naming the difficulty out loud. That's a layer we've added ourselves, not something he said.
今天，把「我可以怎麼幫你」換一句問：你願意跟我一起找出路嗎？——差一個字，重量完全不一樣。Today, swap "what can I do to help" for "will you find the way out with me?" — one word different, an entirely different weight.
引自 Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast「How to Lead Difficult People: A Must-Have Leadership Skill」，2025 年 3 月 ·
Quoted from the Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast, "How to Lead Difficult People," March 2025.
🎬 原片 The original
影片來源／Video source：Andy Stanley 官方 YouTube 頻道 ·
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📖 經文 Scripture
「你們各人的重擔要互相擔當，如此，就完全了基督的律法。」（加拉太書 6:2）
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
互相擔當，不是一個人單方面幫另一個人——是兩邊都扛，這正是我們跟他不一樣的地方。Carrying each other's burdens isn't one person helping another one-directionally — both sides carry. That's exactly where we differ from him.