給分居、離婚中、已離婚的年輕人
For Young Adults Who Are Separated, Divorcing, or Divorced

安全第一Safety Comes First

如果你正處在暴力裡(包括身體的暴力,也包括情緒與言語的暴力:辱罵、恐嚇、威脅、羞辱、控制、孤立,以及站在道德高處的指責與審判),或你很怕對方,請先放下這份手冊,把安全放在第一位。

If you are facing violence (physical violence, and also emotional and verbal violence: insults, intimidation, threats, shaming, control, isolation, and accusation or judgment from a position of moral high ground), or you are afraid of your spouse, put this handbook down first and put safety first.

請現在聯絡當地的緊急電話,以及當地的家庭暴力求助專線,也告訴你的小組(至少三個人)。

Please contact your local emergency number and a local domestic-violence helpline now, and tell your group (at least three people).

如果你有想傷害自己的念頭,請不要一個人撐著:馬上聯絡當地的緊急電話或自殺防治專線,並讓你的小組或身邊的人現在就陪在你身邊;請走向一個安全的人或安全的地方,並立刻告訴你信任的人。請照最上面的「求救指令」做:有小組的人馬上求救;不是我們小組的人,請寫信給我們,主旨寫【求救】。

If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, please do not carry them alone: contact your local emergency number or a suicide-prevention line right away, and have your group or the people near you be with you now; move toward a safe person or a safe place, and tell someone you trust immediately. Please follow the Help Instruction at the very top: if you are in a group, ask for help at once; if you are not in our group, write to us with the subject 【求救】.

如果你長期睡不著、吃不下,或已經撐不住日常的生活,請去找醫師或其他專業的醫療人員。

If you have gone a long time without sleeping or eating, or can no longer manage daily life, please see a doctor or another medical professional.

如果有人一直用話語攻擊你、恐嚇你、威脅你,或逼你做你不願意的事,這件事你不必一個人承受。請告訴你的小組(至少三個人),並找專業的人;如果這些話讓你覺得自己不配活著,請立刻聯絡緊急電話或自殺防治專線。

If someone keeps attacking you with words, frightening or threatening you, or pressing you to do what you do not want to do, you do not have to carry that alone. Please tell your group (at least three people) and go to a professional; if those words make you feel that you do not deserve to live, contact your local emergency number or a suicide-prevention line immediately.

如果你發現自己正在用話語攻擊、恐嚇或咒詛別人,請現在就停下來,告訴你的小組。第四段談舌頭。

If you find that you yourself are attacking, frightening, or cursing someone with words, please stop now and tell your group. Section 4 speaks about the tongue.

這份手冊不能取代這些專業的幫助,也不會要你留在讓你不安全的地方。

This handbook cannot replace such professional help, and it will never ask you to stay in a place where you are not safe.

請在狀況還好的時候,就先把這三個電話寫在一張紙上:當地的緊急電話、當地的家庭暴力求助專線、自殺防治專線。這份手冊最後有一張轉介單,可以填寫。

While you are doing all right, write three numbers on a piece of paper: your local emergency number, a local domestic-violence helpline, and a suicide-prevention line. This handbook ends with a referral sheet you can fill in.

先看你在哪一扇門First, Which Door Are You At?

下面每一段,都是兩扇門的人一起能用的。差別只有一個:門一的人,先去找人。

Every section below can be used by people at either door. There is only one difference: if you are at Door 1, go and find people first.

這份手冊是什麼What This Handbook Is

這份手冊是為了陪伴你,不是為了替你決定要不要離婚。

This handbook is here to walk alongside you; it is not here to decide for you whether you should divorce.

我們也不替你貼標籤。你比「分居的人」「離婚的人」這幾個字大得多。

We also will not put a label on you. You are far larger than the words "separated" or "divorced."

• 請先讀你現在所在的那一段就好,其他段落等你需要時再讀。Please read only the section where you are now; read the others when you need them.
• 如果你和你的另一半都在讀這份手冊,請各自讀,各自和自己的四人小組或零負擔團隊一起看(同性別、至少三個人)。我們從不做一對一,至少三個人一起。先不要和對方一起讀,也不要拿這份手冊去對照對方、指出對方該讀哪一句。還在發炎、很痛的時候,一起讀只會變成互相指責。If you and your spouse are both reading this handbook, please read it separately, each with your own four-person group or Zero-Burden team (same gender, at least three people). We never meet one-on-one; always at least three people together. Do not read it together with your spouse for now, and do not use it to compare against your spouse or to point out which line your spouse should read. While the wound is still inflamed and raw, reading together only turns into blaming each other.
• 手冊裡有許多「可以問彼此的問題」。請拿到小組裡一起問。想到的答案,也可以先寫在另一張紙上,再帶去給小組看。The handbook has many questions you can ask one another. Please bring them to your group and ask them together. You may also write your answers on a separate sheet first, then bring it to your group.
• 如果你是一起走的人,請讀第六段。If you are one who walks alongside others, please read section 6.
• 每一段的最後,都有一個小小的練習:這週,誰會知道你今天讀了這份手冊?請說出你的小組是誰(至少三個人)。Each section ends with one small practice: this week, who will know that you read this handbook today? Name your group (at least three people).

這是公開版。完整的試用版裡,有些地方引用了別人的著作和經文全文;那些部分不是我們的,我們還沒有取得授權,所以不放在這裡。完整手冊的索取方式,請看「求救與陪伴」那一頁。

This is the public edition. In the full trial version, some places quote other people's works and the full text of Scripture. Those parts are not ours and we do not yet have permission for them, so they are not placed here. To ask for the full handbook, please see the "Help & Companionship" page.

怎麼索取完整手冊How to ask for the full handbook

落單的三個警訊Three Warning Signs of Being Alone

這張圖是給你和你的小組一起看的,不用來評斷別人的婚姻。

This map is for you and your group to look at together. It is never used to judge someone else's marriage.

如果有暴力或傷害自己的危險,請先聯絡當地的緊急電話或專業人士。我們不是專業人士,不給法律或醫療的意見。

If there is danger of violence or of hurting yourself, contact your local emergency number or a professional first. We are not professionals and do not give legal or medical advice.

• 吃和睡亂了:連續幾天,吃不下,或睡不著。今天:吃一點熱的東西,晚上定一個時間躺下,並告訴小組。如果超過兩週,請去找醫師。Eating and sleeping have slipped: for several days in a row, you cannot eat, or cannot sleep. Today: eat something warm, set a time to lie down tonight, and tell your group. If it goes past two weeks, please see a doctor.
• 想一個人躲起來:每一則訊息都不想回。這就是落單的開始。今天:對小組裡的一個人說:「我今天不太好。」You want to hide alone: you do not want to answer any message. This is how being alone begins. Today: say to one person in your group, "I am not doing well today."
• 話變得又急又尖:想傳很長的訊息,或腦中一直在和對方吵。今天:把想說的話寫在紙上,先不傳給對方,帶到小組裡,一起分類。Your words have become fast and sharp: you want to send a very long message, or you keep arguing with your spouse in your head. Today: write what you want to say on paper, do not send it to your spouse, and bring it to your group to sort it together.

一、分居中(還沒離婚,但已經分開住)1. Separated (Still Married, but Living Apart)

目標:不倉促定案,先把自己穩住。

Goal: do not rush to a final decision; first find your footing.

這時候你可以和小組怎麼走How You Can Walk Now, Together with Your Group

• 先慢下來。分居是停一停,不是已經有了答案。重大的決定,先放著。Slow down first. Separation is a pause, not an answer already given. Set the big decisions aside for now.
• 讓你的四人小組或零負擔團隊(同性別、至少三個人一起)每天知道你的狀況。如果你還沒有小組,這是這週最重要的一件事:先找兩位同性別、穩定的人,三個人一起。Let your four-person group or Zero-Burden team (same gender, at least three people together) know how you are doing every day. If you do not yet have a group, this is the most important thing this week: first find two steady people of the same gender, so that three of you are together.
• 和夥伴一起顧好最基本的:睡、吃、工作。With your companions, take care of the basics first: sleep, food, and work.
• 如果有暴力(包括情緒與言語的暴力),或你很怕對方,就不要把「修復關係」當成目標。請回到最上面,先處理安全。If there is violence (including emotional and verbal violence), or you are afraid of your spouse, do not make repairing the relationship your goal. Go back to the top and deal with safety first.

可以在小組裡問彼此的問題Questions You Can Ask One Another in Your Group

• 今天哪些時刻最難?那時我的身體需要什麼?Which moments were hardest today? What did my body need then?
• 今晚,我最需要聽見誰的聲音?我可以現在就打給他嗎?Tonight, whose voice do I most need to hear? Can I call that person right now?
• 這幾週我睡得怎麼樣?現在有誰知道我的狀況?How have I been sleeping these weeks? Who knows how I am doing right now?

先別急著做的事What Not to Rush

• 先別用一句經文,替自己或對方下定論。Do not rush to use a single verse to settle a verdict on yourself or on your spouse.
• 先別在很氣、很累的時候,做出無法回頭的決定,或傳長長的訊息。Do not make decisions you cannot take back, or send long messages, when you are very angry or very tired.
• 先別為了填滿孤單,去找一個新的人。Do not look for a new person just to fill the loneliness.
• 先別談再婚。Do not talk about remarriage yet.
• 法律、財產、孩子監護的事,請找專業的人。我們不是律師,不給這方面的意見。For legal matters, property, or custody of children, please go to a professional. We are not lawyers, and we do not give advice on these things.

可以放在心上的經文(只列章節)Passages to Keep in Mind (References Only)

請打開你手上的聖經,慢慢讀:詩篇 34:18、馬太福音 11:28、腓立比書 4:6-7。

Please open your own Bible and read slowly: Psalm 34:18; Matthew 11:28; Philippians 4:6-7.

二、正在離婚中2. In the Middle of a Divorce

目標:不讓你一個人走過這幾個月。

Goal: not to let you walk through these months alone.

這時候你可以和小組怎麼走How You Can Walk Now, Together with Your Group

• 不要一個人走。落單是危險的,這幾個月更危險。每天要讓你的小組(同性別、至少三個人)知道你的狀況。Do not walk alone. Being alone is dangerous, and these months are even more dangerous. Every day, your group (same gender, at least three people) should know how you are doing.
• 先分辨(不是為了貼標籤):這件事是你決定的,還是對方決定的?Discern first (not in order to label anyone): was this your decision, or your spouse's?
• 這個分辨的目的,是讓我們知道:你現在需要的是安慰,還是需要誠實地看自己的那一部分。它是給你自己用的地圖,不是用來指著對方或別人的標籤。The purpose of this distinction is to know whether you need comfort right now, or need to look honestly at your own part. It is a map for you, not a label for pointing at your spouse or at anyone else.
• 法律、財產、孩子監護的事,請找專業的人,並請小組裡的人陪你去,陪你把每一步看清楚。For legal matters, property, and custody of children, go to a professional, and ask someone from your group to go with you, so that you can see each step clearly together.
• 生氣的時候,先停下來。不要辯論,可以說出你看見的(例如「我看見你很痛」),改天再談,或請小組裡的兩位穩定的人一起在場。When you are angry, stop first. Do not argue; you can say what you see (for example, "I can see you are in pain"), talk another day, or ask two steady people from your group to be present with you.
• 注意睡眠。如果長期失眠,請去找醫師。Pay attention to your sleep. If you have long-term insomnia, please see a doctor.

可以在小組裡問彼此的問題Questions You Can Ask One Another in Your Group

• 哪一張紙、哪一通電話或哪一個約定,讓我最慌?誰可以先陪我一起看?Which paper, phone call, or appointment makes me most overwhelmed? Who can look at it with me first?
• 有哪一件事,我一直在避開不看?我可以請誰陪我看一眼?Is there one thing I keep avoiding? Who can sit with me while I take one look?
• 我現在最需要的,是被安慰,還是誠實地看自己的那一部分?What I need most right now: is it comfort, or an honest look at my own part?
• 這幾週我睡得怎麼樣?每天有誰知道我的狀況?How have I been sleeping these weeks? Who knows how I am doing each day?

先別急著做的事What Not to Rush

• 先別急著把對方寫成壞人,也別急著把自己寫成罪人。Do not rush to write your spouse down as the villain, and do not rush to write yourself down as the sinner.
• 還在發炎、很痛的時候,先停止討論大事,等穩一點再談。While the wound is still inflamed and raw, stop discussing the big matters; talk again when you are steadier.
• 先別用一句經文替任何人定罪。Do not use one verse to condemn anyone.
• 先別為了不孤單,馬上投入另一段關係;也先別談再婚。Do not jump straight into another relationship to escape loneliness; and do not talk about remarriage yet.
• 先別把心裡的怨一次倒給對方,也別整袋倒給小組。先和你的零負擔團隊或苦毒池小組一起分類(見最上面的「兩扇門」),再說。Do not pour all the resentment inside you onto your spouse at once, and do not dump the whole bag on your group either. First sort it together with your Zero-Burden team or Pool of Bitterness group (see "Two Doors" at the top), then speak.

可以放在心上的經文(只列章節)Passages to Keep in Mind (References Only)

請打開你手上的聖經,慢慢讀:詩篇 55:22、以弗所書 4:26-27、加拉太書 6:2。

Please open your own Bible and read slowly: Psalm 55:22; Ephesians 4:26-27; Galatians 6:2.

三、已經離婚3. Already Divorced

目標:讓你知道,你沒有被定罪,也不必一個人背。

Goal: to let you know that you are not condemned and do not have to carry this alone.

這時候你可以和小組怎麼走How You Can Walk Now, Together with Your Group

• 你不是一個標籤。你比「離過婚」這個詞大得多。You are not a label. You are far larger than the word "divorced."
• 不要因為已經離婚了,就一個人躲起來。這個時候也不要落單。每天讓你的小組知道你的狀況。Do not hide alone because the divorce is already over. Do not be alone now either. Let your group know how you are doing every day.
• 對祂說實話。你現在對神是什麼感覺?可以說出來,不用修飾。Tell Him the truth. How do you feel toward God right now? You can say it out loud, without dressing it up.
• 如果那段婚姻裡有暴力(包括情緒與言語的暴力),復合不是目標,請先處理安全。If there was violence (including emotional and verbal violence) in that marriage, reconciliation is not the goal; deal with safety first.
• 睡眠和工作慢慢恢復,是很好的記號。Sleep and work slowly recovering are very good signs.

可以在小組裡問彼此的問題Questions You Can Ask One Another in Your Group

• 現在我對神是什麼感覺?(問完先聽,不修正。)How do I feel toward God right now? (After asking, listen first; do not correct.)
• 我能不能說出,哪一部分是我自己的?Can I name which part was my own?
• 我心裡有沒有一個地方,還在等人說「沒事了」?我可以先對祂說,再說給小組聽嗎?Is there a place in me still waiting for someone to say "it is all right now"? Can I say it to Him first, and then to my group?
• 現在的家裡,哪一個小地方可以變得更安穩?What small part of my home could feel steadier now?

先別急著做的事What Not to Rush

• 先別急著談再婚;這不是現在要你做的決定。Do not rush to talk about remarriage; it is not a decision you are asked to make now.
• 先別急著投入新的關係,也先別把「離過婚」當成對你自己的最後定義。Do not rush into a new relationship, and do not take "divorced" as the final definition of yourself.
• 先別急著告訴所有人你的全部故事;先從你的小組開始。Do not rush to tell everyone your whole story; begin with your group.

可以放在心上的經文(只列章節)Passages to Keep in Mind (References Only)

請打開你手上的聖經,慢慢讀:羅馬書 8:1、羅馬書 8:38-39、希伯來書 13:5。

Please open your own Bible and read slowly: Romans 8:1; Romans 8:38-39; Hebrews 13:5.

四、舌頭:聖經從頭到尾都在提醒口舌的事4. The Tongue: From Beginning to End, the Bible Keeps Reminding Us About the Mouth

在一段破碎的婚姻裡,常常兩個人都受了傷,也都說了傷人的話。聖經從舊約到新約,一次又一次提醒我們口舌的事。

In a broken marriage, both people are often wounded, and both have often spoken words that wound. From the Old Testament to the New, Scripture reminds us again and again about the mouth.

一、責任是分開算的1. Each Person's Responsibility Is Counted Separately

一個人做錯的事,是他自己的責任:他需要承認、悔改、面對後果,而且不能把責任推給別人。另一個人說出口的話,是對方自己的責任。兩邊的責任不會互相抵消。

What a person has done wrong is his or her own responsibility: he or she needs to admit it, repent, face the consequences, and not push the blame onto anyone else. The words the other person speaks are that person's own responsibility. The two do not cancel each other out.

受了傷,不等於你說的每一句話都對;你傷了人,也不等於你沒有被傷過。每一個人都要為自己的舌頭負責,哪怕你是受害的那一方;受害的人若開始用話語去傷人,就成了傷人的人。

Being wounded does not make every word you say right; and having wounded someone does not mean you have never been wounded. Every person must take responsibility for his or her own tongue, even the one who was wronged; a wronged person who begins to use words to wound others has become one who wounds.

二、如果你是說話的人(尤其是覺得自己被虧負的那一方)2. If You Are the One Speaking (Especially the One Who Feels Wronged)

• 當話語變成辱罵、咒詛、恐嚇、勒索,或是替神宣告審判,那不是公義,是把傷痛變成武器。對一個已經很絕望的人說這樣的話,可能真的把他推向自傷。When words become insults, curses, threats, or extortion, or an announcement of God's judgment in His place, that is not justice; it turns pain into a weapon. Said to a person who is already in despair, such words may truly push him or her toward self-harm.
• 悔改是對方和神之間要走的路。你可以要求對方面對後果,但不能替神宣告審判,也不能用恐嚇、威脅或勒索逼人。Repentance is a road between the other person and God. You may ask the other person to face the consequences, but you may not announce God's judgment in His place, and you may not press someone with intimidation, threats, or extortion.
• 生氣的時候,先停下來,不在發炎的時候傳訊息或當面質問。把想說的話先寫在紙上,不傳出去,帶到小組裡,請兩位穩定的人在場,一起分類。When you are angry, stop first; do not send messages or confront while the wound is inflamed. Write what you want to say on paper without sending it, bring it to your group with two steady people present, and sort it together.
• 如果你已經說了這類的話,可以回頭承認:「我說的那句話是錯的,我為它道歉。」這不是否認你受的傷,而是為你自己的舌頭負責。If you have already said such words, you can go back and admit it: "What I said was wrong, and I apologize for it." This does not deny the wound you suffered; it takes responsibility for your own tongue.
• 如果你發現自己停不下來,請把你的痛說給你的小組聽,也找專業的人陪你處理這份憤怒,而不是把它丟給對方。If you find you cannot stop, tell your pain to your group, and find a professional to walk with you through this anger, rather than throwing it at the other person.

可以在小組裡問彼此的問題Questions You Can Ask One Another in Your Group

• 我說這句話,是想讓這個人回轉,還是只想讓他痛?When I say this, do I want this person to turn back, or only to hurt?
• 這句話,我願意祂聽見嗎?Am I willing for Him to hear this word?
• 我受的傷,有沒有一個安全的地方可以說出來,而不是都丟給對方?For the hurt I have suffered, is there a safe place where I can say it out, instead of throwing it all at the other person?

三、如果你是被這樣的話攻擊的人3. If You Are the One Attacked by Such Words

• 那些攻擊的話,不是神對你說的,也不是真理。你可以為自己做過的事負責,同時不接受「你不配活著」這句話。Those attacking words are not what God says to you, and they are not the truth. You can take responsibility for what you have done, and still not accept the sentence "you do not deserve to live."
• 悔改是轉向,不是用死來還債。承認自己的錯、停止那個行為、尋求幫助、願意面對後果,這才是悔改的樣子。Repentance is turning around; it is not paying a debt with your life. Admitting your wrong, stopping the behavior, seeking help, and being willing to face the consequences: this is what repentance looks like.
• 如果你有想結束生命的念頭:請現在就聯絡當地的緊急電話或自殺防治專線,並讓你的小組或身邊的人陪著你,不要一個人待著。請照最上面的「求救指令」做。If you have thoughts of ending your life: please contact your local emergency number or a suicide-prevention line right now, and let your group or the people near you stay with you; do not stay alone. Please follow the Help Instruction at the very top.
• 如果對方持續用恐嚇、威脅或勒索逼你,請找專業的人了解你的選擇。我們不是律師,不給法律意見。If the other person keeps pressing you with intimidation, threats, or extortion, go to a professional to understand your options. We are not lawyers and do not give legal advice.

先別急著做的事What Not to Rush

• 先別當面或在訊息裡談誰對誰錯;先把安全和穩定放在前面。Do not argue about who is right or wrong face to face or in messages; put safety and steadiness first.
• 先別替對方、也別替自己宣告神的審判。Do not announce God's judgment, whether on the other person or on yourself.

可以放在心上的經文(只列章節)Passages to Keep in Mind (References Only)

請打開你手上的聖經,慢慢讀:雅各書 3:2-12、箴言 15:1、箴言 18:21、馬太福音 12:34-37、以弗所書 4:29。

Please open your own Bible and read slowly: James 3:2-12; Proverbs 15:1; Proverbs 18:21; Matthew 12:34-37; Ephesians 4:29.

五、再婚:先不急5. Remarriage: No Rush

再婚不用現在決定。先把睡、吃、工作和孩子的日子過穩。找三位以上同性別、穩定的人,常常讓他們知道你的心。如果心裡是想找一個人來填孤單,先停一停,把這份孤單交給祂,也說給你的小組聽。我們不替你說可以,也不說不可以。慢慢看,和祂一起看,和這幾位一起看。

Remarriage does not have to be decided now. First, steady your sleep, your eating, your work, and the days of your children. Find at least three steady people of the same gender, and let them know your heart often. If what you want is someone to fill the loneliness, pause first, give this loneliness to Him, and tell your group. We do not say "you may," and we do not say "you may not." Look slowly: with Him, and with these few people.

六、給一起走的人(四人小組/零負擔團隊)6. For Those Who Walk Together (Four-Person Groups / Zero-Burden Teams)

我們是並肩走的同伴,沒有誰帶誰。這一段是寫給一起走的人。我們不做一對一,至少三個人一起;同性別;夫妻各自有自己的小組。我們不是專業人士,不替任何人決定要不要離婚。

We are companions walking side by side; no one leads anyone. This section is for those who walk together. We never meet one-on-one; there are always at least three people together, of the same gender, and a husband and wife each have their own group. We are not professionals, and we do not decide for anyone whether to divorce.

如果有人開始落單,不要等他來找你。先去找他。

If someone begins to be alone, do not wait for that person to come to you. Go and find that person first.

每次見面的順序The Order of Each Meeting

• 先確認安全。如果有暴力(包括情緒與言語的暴力),或對方很怕自己的配偶,就先把手冊放下,把安全放在第一位。Check safety first. If there is violence (including emotional and verbal violence), or the person is afraid of his or her spouse, put the handbook down and put safety first.
• 先聽完,再問,不急著給答案。Listen fully first, then ask; do not rush to give answers.
• 他們很生氣、很委屈的時候,不辯論。說出你看見的(「我看見你很痛」),先停下來,改天再談,或請小組裡穩定的人一起在場。When they are very angry or deeply wronged, do not argue. Say what you see ("I can see you are in pain"), stop for now, and talk another day, or bring in the steady people of your group.
• 離開以前,一定要問:「這週,誰會知道你今天來見了我們?」然後約下一次。Before leaving, always ask: "This week, who will know that you came to see us today?" Then set the next meeting.

三段各一句開口的話One Opening Question for Each of the Three Sections

• 分居中(目標:不倉促定案):「你一個人的時候,最難熬的是什麼?」Separated (goal: no rushed final decision): "When you are alone, what is hardest?"
• 離婚中(目標:不讓他們一個人走過這幾個月):「這整件事裡,對你來說最難的部分是什麼?這幾週你睡得怎麼樣?每天有誰知道你的狀況?」先分辨是你決定的還是對方決定的,目的是知道他現在需要安慰,還是需要誠實地看自己的那一部分,不是為了貼標籤。In the middle of a divorce (goal: not to let them walk these months alone): "What is the hardest part of all this for you? How have you been sleeping? Who knows how you are doing each day?" Discern whether this was his or her decision or the spouse's, only to know whether he or she needs comfort now or needs to look honestly at his or her own part, never to label.
• 已離婚(目標:讓他們知道自己沒有被定罪,也不必一個人背):「現在你對神是什麼感覺?」問完先聽,不修正。Already divorced (goal: let them know they are not condemned and do not carry this alone): "How do you feel toward God right now?" After asking, listen first; do not correct.

先別說、先別做What Not to Say or Do

• 別用「神恨惡離婚」當開場白,也別用一句經文替任何人定罪。Do not open with "God hates divorce," and do not use a single verse to condemn anyone.
• 法律、財產、孩子監護:不給意見,請他們去找專業的人。Legal matters, property, custody of children: give no advice; send them to a professional.
• 不替人貼標籤,不急著給答案,不急著談再婚。Do not label people, do not rush to give answers, and do not rush to talk about remarriage.
• 不讓一個人把整袋垃圾倒給你一個人。大家一起接,一起分類。Do not let one person dump the whole bag on you alone. Receive it together, and sort it together.

先停下來、立刻轉介Stop and Refer Immediately

• 如果有人有想傷害自己的念頭、留下了告別的話,或你擔心他的安全:不要讓他一個人待著。可以直接、溫和地問:「你是不是在想結束自己的生命?」不要答應替他保密這件事。請聯絡當地的緊急電話或自殺防治專線,並讓他的家人或牧者知道;也請他照最上面的「求救指令」做(有小組的人馬上求救;不是小組的人,寫信到 Me2Us2We@gmail.com,主旨【求救】)。If someone has thoughts of hurting himself or herself, has left words of farewell, or you are worried about his or her safety: do not let that person be alone. You can ask directly and gently: "Are you thinking of ending your life?" Do not promise to keep this secret. Contact your local emergency number or a suicide-prevention line, and let the person's family or pastor know; ask him or her to follow the Help Instruction at the very top (people in a group ask for help at once; people not in a group write to Me2Us2We@gmail.com with the subject 【求救】).
• 如果有暴力(包括情緒與言語的暴力),或有人長期失眠到撐不住日常生活:停下手冊與問題,立刻轉介給專業與緊急管道。If there is violence (including emotional and verbal violence), or someone has had long-term insomnia and can no longer manage daily life: stop the handbook and the questions, and refer immediately to professional and emergency channels.
• 如果有人一直用咒詛、恐嚇、勒索,或替神宣告審判的話攻擊配偶:溫和而清楚地說「這樣的話,我們不能附和」;不辯論,請對方改天再談,並讓小組一起陪他處理那份苦毒。被這類話攻擊的人,先確認他的安全,再談其他。If someone keeps attacking a spouse with curses, threats, extortion, or words announcing God's judgment in His place: say gently but clearly, "We cannot agree with such words"; do not argue, ask the person to talk another day, and let your group walk with him or her through that bitterness. For the person who was attacked by such words, confirm safety first, then everything else.

收到求救的時候(你是小組或零負擔同伴)When a Cry for Help Reaches You (You Are the Group or a Zero-Burden Companion)

• 立刻回應,不要等到下次見面。打電話,不要只傳訊息;至少兩個人一起,但要有人現在就到他身邊,或陪他在線上,不讓他一個人待著。Respond at once; do not wait for the next meeting. Call, do not only send a message; at least two of you together, but someone must be with him or her now, in person or online, so that he or she is not alone.
• 有立即的危險,就打當地的緊急電話,並讓他的家人或牧者知道。If there is immediate danger, call the local emergency number and let the person's family or pastor know.
• 也請同時寫信到 Me2Us2We@gmail.com,主旨寫【求救】,讓我們知道這件事,我們會一起陪伴。Please also write to Me2Us2We@gmail.com with the subject 【求救】 so that we know and can walk with you.

夫妻都在讀這份手冊的時候When a Husband and Wife Are Both Reading

• 各讀各的,各自有自己的小組(同性別、至少三個人)。先不要一起讀,也不要拿手冊去對照對方。Each reads separately, each with his or her own group (same gender, at least three people). Do not read together for now, and do not use the handbook to compare against the other.
• 不同組、不同時間、不同地點。如果有一方一見到對方就會用話語或行動攻擊,就先分開;不要把「對方也在場」當成考驗。什麼時候可以同組,由雙方各自的小組,看見一段時間的穩定之後一起決定,不由任何一方要求。Different groups, different times, different places. If one spouse attacks, in words or actions, as soon as he or she sees the other, separate them first; do not treat the other's presence as a test. When they may be in the same group is decided together by their two groups, after they have seen a period of steadiness, and it is not decided by either spouse's demand.
• 兩邊的小組,不互相轉述對方說過的話,不替任何一方傳話或作證。The two groups do not relay what the other side has said, and do not carry messages or give testimony for either side.
• 每個人都要為自己的舌頭負責,哪怕他是受傷的那一方;責任是分開算的。Every person is responsible for his or her own tongue, even the one who was hurt; each one's responsibility is counted separately.

記錄與自檢Records and Self-Check

• 每次見完,5 分鐘內記三件事:他的處境、他說最難的一件事、現在有誰知道他的狀況。記錄用代號,不寫真名、不寫地點、不寫可以組合出身分的細節。After each meeting, within five minutes record three things: the person's situation, the one hardest thing said, and who currently knows about it. Use codes, not real names; no places and no details that could be combined to identify someone.
• 見了幾次之後,回頭檢查自己有沒有犯三件事:替人貼標籤、急著給答案、急著談再婚。After a few meetings, look back and check whether you made any of three mistakes: labeling people, rushing to give answers, or rushing to talk about remarriage.
• 成效不用復合率來量,用三件事:有沒有人每天知道他的狀況、睡眠與工作有沒有慢慢恢復、他能不能說出自己的那一部分。Do not measure results by the rate of reconciliation. Use three things: whether someone knows how he or she is doing every day, whether sleep and work are slowly recovering, and whether he or she can name his or her own part.
• 陪伴的人自己也不落單:小組要有人知道你這一段陪得怎麼樣。Those who accompany do not walk alone either: someone in your group should know how this stretch of accompanying is going for you.

可以放在心上的經文(只列章節)Passages to Keep in Mind (References Only)

請打開你手上的聖經,慢慢讀:加拉太書 6:2。

Please open your own Bible and read slowly: Galatians 6:2.

轉介單:請你自己填Referral Sheet: Please Fill This In Yourself

我們不是專業人士。遇到下面這些題目,要有地方可以送。請在狀況還好的時候,先把電話填上。

We are not professionals. When these matters come up, there must be somewhere to send you. Please fill in the numbers now, while you are doing all right.

• 當地的緊急電話:________________Local emergency number: ________________
• 家庭暴力求助專線:________________Domestic-violence helpline: ________________
• 自殺防治專線:________________Suicide-prevention line: ________________
• 醫師或醫療人員:________________Doctor or medical professional: ________________
• 律師:________________Lawyer: ________________
• 一位可信的牧者:________________One trustworthy pastor: ________________
• 我的小組(至少三個人):________________My group (at least three people): ________________

離開以前Before You Go

這週,誰會知道你今天讀了這份手冊?請把小組的名字寫在這裡:________________

This week, who will know that you read this handbook today? Please write your group's name here: ________________

如果你願意,請告訴我們:哪一句對你有幫助,哪一句讓你受傷。這份手冊是試用版,我們會依你的回應修改。來信:

Me2Us2We@gmail.com

本內容由 AI 協助整理,可能有理解或詮釋上的錯誤。以 me2us2WE|有機心田|Maturing in Grace 的框架的原意為準,AI 的呈現不是最終定稿。若您發現錯誤或有疑問,歡迎來信指出:請附上(1)連結(2)出錯的位置(3)您認為哪裡有誤(4)您認為正確的版本。我會在我能處理的時間回覆(不一定即時)。聯絡信箱:Me2Us2We@gmail.com

This material was organized with AI assistance and may contain errors in understanding or interpretation. The original intent of the me2us2WE | 有機心田 | Maturing in Grace framework is what governs; the AI rendering is not the final word. If you spot an error or have a question, please email: (1) the link, (2) the place of the error, (3) what you think is wrong, and (4) what you believe is correct. I will reply as my schedule allows (not immediately). Contact: Me2Us2We@gmail.com